it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
