Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
