I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
