If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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