I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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