No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
