A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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