The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
