i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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