peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
