Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's great music for shaving your balls
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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