His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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