clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
