My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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