FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
