You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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