Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
