North Korea, Best Korea!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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