Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
