you traded sex for a burrito?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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