I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
