Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize