does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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