I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
