yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
