The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
