Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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