i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
