38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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