Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
