I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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