So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
