No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
