LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize