Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
