Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
