i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A+ Viking dick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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