She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
