It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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