the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
