It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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