So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
