I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
sex in a hospital.. check
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
