I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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