i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
