cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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