hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
