My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize