Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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