I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
