Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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