I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
