look no pants
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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