like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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