I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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