i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
