need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize