I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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