I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
