i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
