At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
