So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
