what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
