I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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