I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
