turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
