At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
