after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
