he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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