Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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