So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
