I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
