i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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