I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
