i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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