the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
