Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
