woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
