I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
