I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
