oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
