If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
