The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
