please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
