i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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