Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
