The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
