Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
