would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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