I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
