Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
two words...techno handjob
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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