So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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