I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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