Your mouth is God's brothel.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
