Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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