My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
