everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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